How to Get Sexually Creative, According to 6 Experts
Written by: Kelly Martin
Published on: July 28, 2022
We asked six sex experts, advocates and founders a question: How do you get creative, sexually?
We have six different takes. On creativity as a driver of good sex, sex as fuel for creativity, mixing it with a lover, mixing it alone, sexting, sex toysand the erotic power of a wandering mind.
founder of the ethical porn platformAfterglow
“It took a divorce to discover my own sexual creativity. I had a relationship with my high school sweetheart, I didn’t have an orgasm, and I knew sex could be so much better than the one I was having. I had to have a sexual awakening. Along the way, I’ve been inspired by some really cool sex educators. I did my first guided masturbation. It blew my mind how connected our sexual energy is to our health and happiness. There is a connection between sexual satisfaction and speaking our minds, being in touch with our intuition and engaging in creativity.
fun mentor at Expansive group
“There’s a lot of big advice I could give, like trying different times of the day or a new position, or why don’t you use this wedge to change the angles between your bodies? But the little details also make a big difference. Let’s say you’re in a rut with a partner and usually have multiple ways to have sex. If you usually focus on the physics of the other person’s body, do what you normally do, but try to focus more on your own breathing. If you’re someone who’s normally pretty quiet, play around with what it’s like to moan. If you usually stand relatively still, how can you use your hands to explore someone else’s body? It’s not about pretending or playing for someone else, but doing it to enhance your own enjoyment.
certified sex educator and
founder of The Wand
“For me, sexual creativity is really about thinking beyond stereotypes. We think vibrator, we think clitoris. We think dildo, we think it goes in a vagina. I want to take a fresh look at things to which I may have had more solid boundaries in the past. So what’s been cool for me is mixing and matching. The vibrators feel great on penises, on perineums, on breasts and between different body types. And for a very long time I was a fan of chopsticks, but lately I’ve taken our Double Vibe, and you know what? I might be a Double Vibe person now.
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founder of pro hoe
“Pleasure is not meant to be ordered, tied, linear or predictable. It is messy. So I rely on my own curiosity. I use masturbation as a tool to discover new pleasure points. I have incorporated stimulating lubricants to trigger new sensations.And with a partner, I love sexting as foreplay – it’s a sexy way to communicate the positions, toys and erotica you want to introduce into your experience.
co-founder, president and creative director of dipsea
“I recently gave a TED talk on relationship between sex and imagination, and I was talking about how sex is as much about the mind as it is about the body. In our mind, we are free to fantasize about anything we want. What we fantasize and what we want to happen in reality are not always the same thing. Busting this myth gives us permission to exercise far more sexual creativity and with far less self-judgment.
“Creativity comes when we have time to reflect. Sexual creativity is no different. So instead of scrolling through the doom the next time you’re bored, try telling yourself a sexy story. You’ll have fun, you’ll learn more about yourself, and I promise no one around you will ever know about it…”
sex therapist and CEO and co-founder
“Sex is, in itself, a creative power. When we can get into that erotic state and see the interaction as a creative dance that two people do – or even if you do it yourself – the fantasy is beyond you. And you let that energy take your mind to different places. It really is an adult game. For example, I will growl at my partner and pretend to be a cat, which I totally do.
Related reading on goop
If accessing presence and play during sex seems difficult for you, check out the advice of two sex therapists on get out of your head during sex and how to get out of an intimacy rut. We have also put together a small library of books on how to have great sex, whatever that means to you. And we believe that anything sexual on the table can be enhanced with great toys. For this: our complete guide to using a vibrator.