In the comic book multiverse, there’s room for just about every conceivable iteration on the classic superheroes we know and love. Between Zombie Doctor Strange, Centaur Supermanand even a Baby Batmanthe possibilities for goofy alternate realities seem endless.
But apparently there’s one superpower that will forever elude all of our most popular heroes in the entirety of their ever-expanding extended universes – and it’s eating pussy. At least that’s what DC explicitly told Justin Halpern, co-creator of the steamy HBO Max series. harley quinn animated series.
In a interview with Variety, Halpern revealed that they were forced to censor a moment from Season 3 that depicted Batman bumping into Catwoman, because DC insisted that “‘heroes don’t do that'”. While Halpern protested the idea that all superheroes were selfish partners. , DC seemed much more concerned with the viability of Batman as a consumer product. Unlike the villains who do most of the debauchery on harley quinn, superheroes generate a lot of profit in the form of child-friendly toys. So, to sum up Halpern’s recollection of DC logic, “”It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman also bumps into someone. “”
The news of Batman Being A Canonically Ungenerous Lover Blew On The Internet when the interview came out last summer (with even Justice League director Zack Snyder contributing his own chaotic tweet to speech). But after the first three episodes of harley quinn Season 3 dropped on Thursday, July 28, we finally got to see the censorship in action for ourselves.
And, let me tell you, Catwoman isn’t the only one who’s been left behind by DC’s ban on oral sex. In fact, we all have lost much more than a joke of an animated series due to the the bizarre prudishness that the comics impose the sexuality of their superheroes.
In the harley quinn At the start of Season 3, Episode 3, the awkwardly reworked joke comes after Poison Ivy ends a sympathetic call with Catwoman about what she could do better than the guy she’s currently seeing. Catwoman agrees, only to hang up the phone to reveal an overly impatient Batman on his hands and knees, bent over his knees, performing… a foot massage.
“Should I continue? Batman asks Catwoman, obviously unsatisfied, like the latex-clad sub that he is. “No, it’s not worth it,” she sighs.
While the original implications of the scene are hard to miss, the censorship neutralizes what should have been a dynamite opener in a lame and bewildered start. The superb screenwriters of the show recover quickly. But this controversy is just the most recent example of how The MCU and DCEU’s puritanical superhero rules are holding the whole genre back.
Critics slammed Marvel’s lack of overt sex since 2013. But last year, legendary directors like Steven Soderbergh, Pedro Almodóvarand Paul Verhoeven joined the chorus in naming it as their main criticism of comics’ takeover of the entertainment industry.
Erasing the existence of sexual desire from the lives of these characters creates quite a dehumanizing narrative.
The hottest people in the world are all virgins who hang out together in tight suits without ever really getting excited for each other.
The complete lack of fucking has become one of the most alienating parts of these fantasy cinematic universes, where the hottest people are all virgins hanging out together in skintight suits without ever really getting excited for each other. ‘other. Yet while superheroes may not be allowed to express desire or experience pleasure, they are also simultaneously required to adhere to today’s strict and hypersexualized bodily ideals. Like the live-action toys themselves, the superhero movie star is marketed to the public as a sex symbol who can only be the object rather than the subject of voyeuristic pleasure.
Yes, this sounds like more than just a foot massage to me…
Credit: HBO Max
Tellingly, DC only cares about controlling the sexuality of its hero characters. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn have complete freedom to snack on each other’s rugs throughout Season 3 as they celebrate their new found love with an “Eat Bang Kill” tour. (Is pleasing your partner something only the morally corrupt do?) To make matters worse, Batman’s moral virtue (or rather commercial viability) doesn’t seem at all threatened by Batman’s acts of violence. quasi-sociopathic mass he commits later in the season. . We won’t go into detail to spare you the spoilers, but let’s just say they include, but aren’t limited to, terrorizing a traumatized child and sacrificing nearly the entirety of Gotham to get what he wants.
Ultimately, we all know that DC’s insistence that superheroes don’t flop is a pretty moral financial statement. It’s a hell of a shame, though. There’s undoubtedly a lot of money to be made by leaning into – rather than avoiding – the sexy side of it all by instead launching a line of superhero-themed adult toys, if you catch our drift.
Until then, though, I guess Catwoman will have to settle for her own kitty. Either way, she can keep her dark knight sulky and asexual. We’re just happy to be able to join Harley and Ivy on their exciting honeymoon.